Now That You Mention It...

Quick Note

I forgot to mention one quick note in my last post. I'm doing a couple of book club appearances this month. If anyone would like me to stop by their book club (in person or virtually), shoot me an email at maureen.lipinski@hotmail.com and I'd love to chat!

Now, back to my WIP, that is killing me softly with research...

Flippy Flops

Hey all! I'm back from the Deep Souf. Or, maybe I should say, "Hey y'all!"

My trip to South Carolina was fantastic. The weather was hot and humid, but not OMG-My-Eyelids-Are-Gonna-Catch-Fire hot like it's been before. Now I'm back in Chicago, where it is sadly not hot. Global warming, where for art thou?

After a week of too many frozen drinks, seafood and sunburns, I'm back to reality. Isn't that the worst? Love the vacations, but the post-vacay-reality-smackdown almost makes me wish I didn't get a taste of good life. (Which included my son sleeping until 9:30am and taking 3 hour naps. Pool water, kids. It's the new sedative.) One of the nights, my husband and I went out with my sister and her boyfriend to a bar. We laughed at all of the white haired men lamely attempting to hit on barely legal females. We were just about to leave when the DJ played the song, "I'm On A Boat." You know, from SNL? With Andy Samberg and T-Pain? If you have no clue what I'm taking about, get thee to You Tube. It's hilarious. Anyway, the entire bar went nuts and some chick next to me drunkenly yelled, "Woo Hoo! I WAS on a boat today!"

It was awesome.

I also finished my edits for my second book, NOT READY FOR MOM JEANS, while sitting next to the pool with a margarita in hand. Folks, there is no better job than being a writer. Especially when I got to send it off and jump directly into the hot tub with a second frozen drink.

But, like I said, back to lame reality. Now that edits for MOM JEANS are done and my YA book has had one final tweak, it's time to start that elusive fourth book. It's an idea I've been mulling over for awhile and got the !!!!!! reaction from my agent about. I have most of the plot worked out in my head and all I'll say is this: It involves travel and...other stuff. Super Seekrit Stuff. It's even high concept enough that I could definitely see it being a movie. I just need to do some plotting and firm up my characters before I dive in.

Because, as we all know, a concept only gets you to the front door. You have to, um, actually tell the story. Like so it sounds good and stuff.

So, the next few months will be filled with lots of Maureen Staring At Nothing while she contemplates plot twists and random scraps of paper will float around with cryptic messages like, "grocery store scene split chapter five boat."

Dear Husband, Your Tommy Bahama Shirt is Fugly.

Sorry for the blogging lapse, but huge edits are due tomorrow on NOT READY FOR MOM JEANS. (Due in bookstores next summer. Look for it! Er, when I know the release date and stuff...) so I've been kicking my book's ass to get it in shape.

Much like I've been kicking my own ass, quite literally, to get in shape for next week. Because next week, we're packing up this show and hitting the road! For a week at least. We're going down to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina with my extended family and some of my husband's family. Look for us--we'll be the sunburned crew, wearing Salty Dog t-shirts and getting wasted off grain alcohol daiquiris. I predict some serious oversharing and drinking games.

Speaking of drinking (nice segway, no?) last weekend was, as my father called it, my "three day bender." Which means dinner with bloggers and BlogHer parties, hotel rooms, two Cubs games, my sister's 21st birthday party (where my parents danced to Michael Jackson and tried to remember the Thriller dance. I did not, for one of the college students asked if we were the chaperones), waaay too many sports bars, the WORST karaoke ever sung (Seriously. My husband and friend did a rendition of "Sweet Home Chicago" that involved spitting and shouting and resulted in ear-bleeding) and pizza at 4am. It was awesome but I fear the brain cells lost.

And this week has been: Need to unpack from this weekend...need to pack for vacation...need to revise my book so it isn't a piece of crap...return overdue library books...find way to make son not throw himself on the ground in the middle of Trader Joe's and cause cart collision...stop eating so can fit into bathing suit...hide husband's ugly tropical print shirt that he thinks is "vacation-like" to avoid public embarrassment.

Toddler Intermission...

This is what happens when you're trying to edit a book with a toddler:

 

"My mommy mapped out all of her plotlines on index cards. I decided this approach was stupid."

 

"Not to mention, her subplots didn't relate to the driving force of her book in a relevant, cohesive manner."

  

"And don't even get me started on this scene. PUH-LEASE."

 

"She didn't like my help, so she made me clean the floors instead. Harumph."

My July O' Bugs and Molars

I can't believe there's only 2.5 weeks left in the July O' Sparkle and Edits. My YA revisions are dunzo and all wrapped in a nice pretty bow for my agent. My Book Numero Dos edits are on deck, threatening to enthrall and kill me all at the same time. Did I mention this book needs to be back to my editor by August 1st so I can go on vacation without any night terrors? (Somewhere inside my brain, a few neurons just broke.)

This weekend I attended the American Library Association's conference here in Chicago. It was amazing to see all of the publishing folks and industry people at the various booths. Us writers are always so trapped in our own little ficitonal worlds, with imaginary people, so it's astounding to see the business side of this industry. But very, very cool. It reminded me that my book is way, way bigger than me. The Macmillan people were wonderful and I was scheduled to sign copies of my book for about an hour. After a half-hour, we were all out and I had to shrug my shoulders and look sheepish at the people standing in line. I even signed a few books for guys. I wanted to be like, "Really? Are you sure? It's about pregnancy and, um, girl stuff." I guess the pink cover is fair warning, though.

But, overall, a huge success and a very cool way to spend a Saturday.

My Monday was not So Wonderful. I was convinced my son had a cold yesterday with all of the runny nose, fever, coughing and general irritability. It wasn't until he tried to bite me for the Third Freaking Time on the way to the playground (torture, obvs), that I had the genius idea of looking in his mouth. Yep, that's right. All 4 2-year-old molars coming in at the same time. He rewarded me by biting my leg so hard that I had a nice imprint of every one of his precious teeth on my thigh. Aw, so cute.

Then, he left a graham cracker next to a microscropic crack in our floor and suddenly, 300 ants showed up to party with little ant kegs and insect beer bongs. I greeted them with some squirts of carpet cleaner, which made them scatter the party like teenagers after the cops show up.

So, yeah, lots of fun stuff around here. Thank god I have a cage big enough for two:

 

Edited to Add: WHY do I always forget to post this? Come friend me on Facebook, where you'll get to read my daily musings on the Trashfully Awesome guests on Maury Povich. Or just see pictures of my friends drunk. Your choice.

My Awesome July of Sparkle. And Edits.

I think I'm finally detoxed from the Weekend of Fried Food, Beer and Festivals. Over four days, we went to Taste of Chicago, Ribs Fest and fireworks. That might not seem like a lot, but with a two year old, it was practically insane. It would be nice if some of these were, you know, SPREAD OUT, but it's fine. We got our annual allowance of cholesterol and lard all in one weekend. And yes, I ate a fried candy bar. And it was everything I thought it could be.

We had a great time, with some hilarious moments--like when my sister apparently thought "nuclear hot" barbecue sauce actually was, you know, radioactive. And asked how that could be legal and shouldn't kids and pregnant women stay away from it? (Sorry sis! Had to tell that one.) We won't get into what she though the Planetarium housed or what she thought was in a dragon sushi roll.

Toddler Son behaved for the most part, except for a serious meltdown on Sunday night when he did not understand why the people on the blanket next to us did not want to share their food. And I nearly killed all of our blanket neighbors for bringing an awesome sparkly purple bouncy ball...and then setting it down right next to us. It's no surprise that my son didn't understand Awesome Ball of Sparkle is Not For You to Play With.

I'm happy to get back to my new "normal" routine, though. I'm still working on a few edits to my YA--formerly titled This Book Rulez and Has Irish Stuff In It. It's hereafter known as I Want This Book to Die and Has Irish Stuff In It. And I just got edits from my editor on Book #2. So July is officially the Month That Will Break Maureen's Brain Until She Ends Up as Clueless and Dopey as Her Cat Blackjack.

I'm thinking I need to stop watching all trashy daytime television immediately.

No Sweaty Fat Men: Bonus!

I'm still settling in nicely to my fancy new rootin-tootin WAHM acronym. To celebrate my first week of freeeedom, we went to the Taste of Chicago this afternoon. For those not in the Chicago area, it's basically a street festival with music and tons of food. The bonus was that it wasn't as warm as previous years--when hairy, fat men wearing tank tops would sweat all over you while you waited in line for a rainbow cone. The downside was that my kid wanted nothing to do with, um, ANYTHING. Although he did enjoy a pierogi at one point. Being the responsible, loving mother that I am, I simply ignored his screams and suspicious looks of child abuse from other festival-goers. Because nothing gets between me and my Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ meatballs.

Besides the obligatory fireworks-watching, I'll be working a lot this weekend. I'm giving my YA one last ass-kicking before sending it off to my agent and into to the vast world of publishing. (More like black hole of publishing.) Since I'm a full-time writer now, it's that much more important that the book freaking sparkle.

Then, I'll get to sit by the phone and wait for the 212 area code to pop up. The other night, I caught up on last season's Entourage and cracked up at the last episode--where they're waiting for a phone call re: Vince's new movie and they all freak out when they see a 212 area code on his cell phone. And someone remarked that acting is all about waiting for the phone to ring. Yeah, well, RIGHT BACK AT YA, movie-star people. Of course, it all worked out in the end for Vince & Co. And yeah, it gave me a bit of warm fuzzy inspiration. A reminder that, sometimes, everything works out just right. Puppies, unicorns, sparkly kittens and all that crap. And at least my agent doesn't yell the F word into the phone repeatedly. Or, at least I don't think she does.

Zyrtec Hallucinations

Hey everyone!

We're hosting a fabulous contest this week over at The Novel Girls! Leave a comment to be entered to win a fabulous prize in honor of the release of A STROKE OF MAGIC by my friend Tracy Madison. My post is about the old show from the '80s, Out of This World. Remember that show? Half-alien, half-human girl with the ability to freeze time ring a bell? No? How about she talked to her father in outer space via a crystal on their coffee table?

Please, someone tell me they remember this show or else I'm going to start thinking my new allergy medicine has some AWESOME side effects.

Writing, Blogging and Mark DeRosa

So. This is my first official week as a Full-Time Bad Ass Writer/Work At Home Mom person. Technically, I was home last week, but that was more about dealing with shock, my book signing and drinking lots of wine. In fact, I just told my son to read a book quietly so Mommy could blog. I'm already kicking ass and takin' names at this work at home mom stuff!

While this time in my life is equal parts exciting and terrifying, it feels "right." I'm getting the chance to pursue my dream full-time with the added bonus of lots and lots of daytime television and trips to the playground. Working two jobs--Day Job and writing--left me drained, stressed, tired and every other related adjective. I'd get home and barely have enough energy to make my son dinner before putting him to bed and then work on writing-related stuff. It left very little room for creativity and many of my WIP sentences sounded like a second-grader wrote them. Like, "She walked into her house. She was tired."

I'm still a working mom--something I'll always be--but I just have a bit more time for the mom part of the equation.

Everyone keeps telling me that the universe works in mysterious ways, one door closes while another opens, ask and you shall receive. And it's true, often to a hilarious degree. I mean, I've spent the better part of a year, loudly complaining, "I want to be a full-time writer." And guess what?

Now, I'm going to start saying something else. Something that the universe just got really, really wrong as of Saturday night. All us Cubs fans said, "Mark DeRosa needs to come back to Wrigley." Well guess what? As of Saturday, he is. Just in a fucking Cardinals uniform. Universe, you truly are hilarious.

Recaps and Announcements

While I had the best intentions to blog about my Ohio launch party on Tuesday, er, something came up. I'll tell you exactly what it is at the end of the post. But! First! Let's talking par-tayin'.

1. My Ohio Launch Party aka The Party of Books and Sweat. We arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early, eager to get in the a/c since Ohio is apparently Alabama with its 100 degree heat index and 100% humidity. But, the restaurant felt a little...moist. I was assured that they had just jacked up the a/c. The party started and we had a great crowd--lots of books were sold and I got a chance to chat with everyone, despite hair that increased thousandfold and makeup sliding off my face. We were told at some point that the a/c was on, that it was just turned up, that it wasn't working right, that they don't turn it on until 4pm (that one was my favorite) until finally, someone informed us that one of the compressor thingy broke and basically, you guys are SOL.

The party doubled as a weight-loss seminar as I'm pretty sure we all lost a good ten pounds. Come for the books! Stay for the dehydration!

Anyway, despite the heat, it was a fabulous party and thank you to everyone who came out to join us.

2. My Book Signing at Borders. Last night was my first real signing. Which meant I had to talk in public and stuff. Which equals scary. I started off my apologizing to everyone in case I said anything embarrassing, profane or stupid, as my speaking audience usually consists of my toddler and cats, all of whom generally ignore my existence.

I talked a little, read from the book, took questions and signed books. All while my son ran around and shrieked over not being able to destroy a table of new releases. Ah, the irony. It burns.

Then, afterward, I went out with some fabulous bloggers and learned all about how paying one's babysitter in scotch is occasionally considered a good idea. Might I just add that the scotch is for the sitter to CONSUME while watching said children. I prefer to pay my sitters in condoms, cigarettes and Rent-A-Center gift cards, but whatever works. Check me out on Twitter @maureenlipinski to get more of the deets from last night. It was wonderful and EXACTLY what I needed after...

3. Tuesday. The reason why I didn't recap my launch party sooner. On Tuesday, I was laid-off from my job. It came as a complete (by complete I mean WTFOMG. I was in shock before I nodded my head and said KTHXBYE) shock. But, we're going to be fine thanks to a combination of some book money and other things. In fact, it's looking like I'll have at least the summer, if not until the end of the year, to focus solely on writing. So Yay! But also Crap! Time to make sure that my YA sparkles like the shine on Steve Wilkos' head. (Yes. I am a stay-at-home writer now. I watch The Steve Wilkos Show.)

But really, everything is going to be fantastic and I'm elated that I get to focus on something I've always wanted to do. Plus, I'll get the summer off to spend with my son. So, this is a really, really great thing. Blessing in disguise, everything happens for a reason and all that crap.

What I do know is that after having my book out for only a couple weeks is, holy freakin' hell, I'm hooked. HOOK to ED. I love this writer stuff. And for the first time in a long time, I really feel like I'm where I'm "supposed' to be.

So me + Steve Wilkos + Maury Povich + writing + my son = one kick ass summer.